I am not of the proper eschelon to ever be able to mingle with my goddess. She is worlds beyond me, even with all my powers. I am just a weird anomaly to her. This is affecting my self image. I'm like a walking freak, wanting to be somewhere I will never be allowed to be. I am not happy with this world, will always aspire to be a part of the other. How will I ever adjust to this lowly station? I want to go where the souls are bigger and bluer. I feel like my heart here is made of paper mache.
Sunday, December 10, 2017
Tuesday, December 5, 2017
the double prism effect
I never did too good at science in school so this may be a bad theory. Still I will give it a go, as Sun Boy I am nothing if not adventurous. Okay, I have this incredibly realistic statue of the Girl of Steel approximately 2 feet from me right now. I feel her spirit in this statue. As Sun Boy, my energy radiates within me and I feel it on the surface of my skin, on my fingertips as I type, too. I see myself as a prism, and I see her as a prism. As the light moves back and forth between the 2 entities, the yellow sun power magnifies, quantifies, exponentially. It is by this power that I hope to focus my life. I'm harnessing an astonishing amount of power just being Sun Boy but I've got to turn this into the kind of force only I can be, and I will, with help from Supergirl.
by Friedrich von Schiller
Laura! a sunrise seems to break
Where'er thy happy looks may glow.
Joy sheds its roses o'er thy cheek,
Thy tears themselves do but bespeak
The rapture whence they flow;
Blest youth to whom those tears are given--
The tears that change his earth to heaven;
His best reward those melting eyes--
For him new suns are in the skies!
Laura! a sunrise seems to break
Where'er thy happy looks may glow.
Joy sheds its roses o'er thy cheek,
Thy tears themselves do but bespeak
The rapture whence they flow;
Blest youth to whom those tears are given--
The tears that change his earth to heaven;
His best reward those melting eyes--
For him new suns are in the skies!
Am I the only one?
I've got a problem but it's mostly a sweet problem. The issue is, I'm obsessed with someone, and to be honest, this obsession often leaves me feeling good, like I have something extra to live for. However it's become apparent to me that my mind is playing tricks on me, there is an emptiness at the center of my feelings, I really don't understand the extent of them. I equate the path of my feelings to someone whose mind got seeded by something or other and he or she can't get the idea out of their head. I imagine a 19 year old guy who sees some convertible of a special color at a used car lot and thinks about it day and night, night and day, thinking I've got to have this. Eventually it becomes a practical purpose and he starts saving every dime until he can make it happen. The seed with this woman, I don't know exactly when it was planted, I became familiar with her and at first I just thought she was attractive, then I started to relate to her, feel things she displayed she was feeling and then out of the blue, or so it feels, I was lovestruck. Her appearance is only part of the attraction, in fact it's sort of the icing on the cake. But I've never been motivated to love like this, I think about her, yearn for closeness to her 24/7 it seems. I feel manipulated in a way, in that it's like the gods dropped her in front of me knowing this will be the one for him. I am focused on her, she's given me no reason AT ALL to be but it's huge. It feels serendipitous too. Here's an example of that: I've never spoke to her but I have a friend who is friends with her. I said to this friend yesterday "sometimes she seems so strong but I often picture her as very sensitive as well." Today I opened a fortune cookie after a chinese meal and it said this - Your emotional nature is strong and sensitive. Coincidence? I don't know, as I was writing this part just now on serendipity, somebody made a friend request on Facebook with the same first name as her. I clicked it and it said Sorry, this request is no longer valid.
I tried to stop loving her, succeeded for about a month or so, but had a full relapse, seems now I'm more involved than ever. I will use my powers as Sun Boy to address this situation.
I tried to stop loving her, succeeded for about a month or so, but had a full relapse, seems now I'm more involved than ever. I will use my powers as Sun Boy to address this situation.
Sunday, December 3, 2017
Something major happened today.
I don't really want to talk about what it was cause I promised I wouldn't, but something I've been striving for for a long time for a brief moment came closer than ever, then when I was still basking in the glow of this, the moment passed succinctly. I regret I wasn't more opportunistic but that surely would've ended in futility, right?
I don't know how I got here.
I was in love with this woman. I started with a head of steam. It took me a very long time to realize I was going backwards with her, with no return possible. Then a magical beam came out of the sky and turned me into sun.boy. My life starts now.
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I haven't posted for awhile. No this does not mean I've come to adore my goddess any less. I have no progress to report though. S...