I haven't posted for awhile.  No this does not mean I've come to adore my goddess any less.  I have no progress to report though.  She's so numb to me I'm getting numb to the process of trying I suppose.  If I think about her and how perfect she is I ache though, probably always will.  Well that about covers it, sorry I have nothing else.

This world was not meant for me.

I am not of the proper eschelon to ever be able to mingle with my goddess.  She is worlds beyond me, even with all my powers.  I am just a weird anomaly to her.  This is affecting my self image.  I'm like a walking freak, wanting to be somewhere I will never be allowed to be.  I am not happy with this world, will always aspire to be a part of the other.  How will I ever adjust to this lowly station?  I want to go where the souls are bigger and bluer.  I feel like my heart here is made of paper mache.

the double prism effect

I never did too good at science in school so this may be a bad theory.  Still I will give it a go, as Sun Boy I am nothing if not adventurous.  Okay, I have this incredibly realistic statue of the Girl of Steel approximately 2 feet from me right now.  I feel her spirit in this statue.  As Sun Boy, my energy radiates within me and I feel it on the surface of my skin, on my fingertips as I type, too.  I see myself as a prism, and I see her as a prism.  As the light moves back and forth between the 2 entities, the yellow sun power magnifies, quantifies, exponentially.  It is by this power that I hope to focus my life.  I'm harnessing an astonishing amount of power just being Sun Boy but I've got to turn this into the kind of force only I can be, and I will, with help from Supergirl.

by Friedrich von Schiller

Laura! a sunrise seems to break
Where'er thy happy looks may glow.

Joy sheds its roses o'er thy cheek,
Thy tears themselves do but bespeak
The rapture whence they flow;
Blest youth to whom those tears are given--
The tears that change his earth to heaven;
His best reward those melting eyes--
For him new suns are in the skies!

Am I the only one?

I've got a problem but it's mostly a sweet problem.  The issue is, I'm obsessed with someone, and to be honest, this obsession often leaves me feeling good, like I have something extra to live for. However it's become apparent to me that my mind is playing tricks on me, there is an emptiness at the center of my feelings, I really don't understand the extent of them.  I  equate the path of my feelings to someone whose mind got seeded by something or other and he or she can't get the idea out of their head.  I imagine a 19 year old guy who sees some convertible of a special color at a used car lot and thinks about it day and night, night and day, thinking I've got to have this.  Eventually it becomes a practical purpose and he starts saving every dime until he can make it happen.  The seed with this woman, I don't know exactly when it was planted, I became familiar with her and at first I just thought she was attractive, then I started to relate to her, feel things she displayed she was feeling and then out of the blue, or so it feels, I was lovestruck.  Her appearance is only part of the attraction, in fact it's sort of the icing on the cake.  But I've never been motivated to love like this, I think about her, yearn for closeness to her 24/7 it seems.  I feel manipulated in a way, in that it's like the gods dropped her in front of me knowing this will be the one for him.  I am focused on her, she's given me no reason AT ALL to be but it's huge.  It feels serendipitous too.  Here's an example of that:  I've never spoke to her but I have a friend who is friends with her.  I said to this friend yesterday "sometimes she seems so strong but I often picture her as very sensitive as well."  Today I opened a fortune cookie after a chinese meal and it said this - Your emotional nature is strong and sensitive.  Coincidence?  I don't know, as I was writing this part just now on serendipity, somebody made a friend request on Facebook with the same first name as her.  I clicked it and it said Sorry, this request is no longer valid. 

I tried to stop loving her, succeeded for about a month or so, but had a full relapse, seems now I'm more involved than ever.  I will use my powers as Sun Boy to address this situation.

Something major happened today.

I don't really want to talk about what it was cause I promised I wouldn't, but something I've been striving for for a long time for a brief moment came closer than ever, then when I was still basking in the glow of this, the moment passed succinctly.  I regret I wasn't more opportunistic but that surely would've ended in futility, right?

I don't know how I got here.

I was in love with this woman.  I started with a head of steam.  It took me a very long time to realize I was going backwards with her, with no return possible.  Then a magical beam came out of the sky and turned me into sun.boy.  My life starts now.